To My Pretty Pernod

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Oh Jan,

I'm so sorry, honestly I really don't know what to say except that my thoughts are with you, John and Shadow.

Binky Free at the Bridge Pernod.:rainbow:

Hugs:hug1

Susan:bunnyangel2:
 
Thank you all so very much. It means so much knowing others cared for Pernod too. I have pretty much been a wreck, especially Saturday and Sunday. How can such a small bundle leave such a huge gap in your life.

I wasn't sure whether to mention this, but anyways ......

I was looking for a sign - something to let me know Pernod was OK, that she and Perry were together, that she forgave me. Perhaps I was looking too hard and reading too much into coincidences, but 2 things happened.

On Saturday night, I was looking out of the window into the garden, crying and looking expecting to see Pernod hopping around, when I heard a strange bird call. Then I saw 2 baby woodpeckers in the trees in the back garden, and they flew down onto the bird feeder outside our kitchen window. They were black and white, with only a very small amount of red on their heads. They stayed for a few minutes, then were gone. We haven't had any woodpeckers in our garden since we arrived here.

Then, on Sunday, I went on my own for a walk in the park. I was walking along, talking to Pernod and telling her how much I loved her, and how I hoped she forgave us for sending her to the Bridge. I sat on a bench opposite a pond where people were boating and cried. Somewhere, they was a radio playing, but I hadn't really noticed it until I heard one line from a song. I think it was from the 1960's and I don't remember who sang it, but it was "You made me so, very happy. I'm so glad you, came in to my life". And . you know what, I smiled.

Shadow is doing OK, I think. He did look for Pernod for a while, but they would often lay in different rooms during the day. He is eating, pooping etc just fine, but doesn't seem so 'bouncy' - but it has been very hot here lately, so that could be it. He isn't really a cuddly bunny, so although we try and give him lots of love, he hops away after a few minutes.

Thanks again, everyone. You are helping so much.

Jan
 
You've Made Me So Very Happy :whistling
Blood, Sweat & Tears


[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y168CNQyO7g]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y168CNQyO7g[/ame]
 
Jan,

Im glad to hear youre doing ok. Ive been praying for you and I think of you often. I know youre going through a lot right now. Im glad you were able to think of your sweet girl and smile today. I know she and Perry and Fudge are watching over you now.

We're here for you :hug1

Haley
 
Also, I dont know if you've ever read this story but I think its really beautiful. I wanted to share it with you. It always makes me cry but smile at the same time.

The little orange boy stopped. Behind him, kitties were playing, chasing each other and wrestling in the warm sunshine. It looked like so much fun, but in front of him, through the clear stillness of the pond's water, he could see his mommy. And she was crying.

He pawed at the water, trying to get at her, and when that didn't work, he hopped into the shallow water. All that got him was wet and mommy's image danced away in the ripples.

"Mommy!" he cried.


"Is something wrong?" The little orange boy turned around. A lady was standing at the edge of the pond, her eyes sad but filled with love. The little orange boy sighed and hopped out of the water.

"There's been a mistake," he said. "I'm not supposed to be here." He looked back at the water. It was starting to still again and his mommy's image was coming back. "I'm just a baby. Mommy said it had to be a mistake. She said I wasn't supposed to come here yet."

The kind lady sighed and sat down on the grass. The little orange boy climbed into her lap. It wasn't mommy's lap, but it was almost as good. When she started to pet him and scratch between his ears like he liked, he started to tooth-purr. He hadn't wanted to, but he couldn't help it.

"I'm afraid there is no mistake. You are supposed to be here and your mommy knows it deep down in her heart," the lady said. The little orange boy sighed and laid his head on the lady's leg. "But she's so sad. It hurts me to see her cry. And daddy too."

"But they knew right from the beginning this would happen." she said. "That I was sick?"

That surprised the little orange boy. No one had ever said anything and he had listened when they thought he was sleeping. All he had heard them talk about was how cute he was or how fast he was or how big he was getting. "No, not that you were sick," the lady said. "But you see, they chose tears."

"No, they didn't," the little orange boy argued. Who would choose to cry?

The lady gently brushed the top of his head with a kiss. It made him feel safe and loved and warm - but he still worried about his mommy. "Let me tell you a story," the lady said.

The little orange boy looked up and saw other animals gathering around. Cats - Big Boy and Snowball and Shamus and Abby. Dogs too - Sally andMorgan and Belle. Even a lizard named Clyde and someBunnies named Saffron and Becky and a hamster named Odo. They all lay down near the kind lady and looked up at her, waiting. She smiled at them and began:

A long long time ago, the Loving Ones went to the Angel in Charge. They were lonesome and asked the Angel to help them. The Angel took them to a wall of windows and let them look out the first window at all sorts of things - dolls and stuffed animals and cars and toys and sporting events. "Here are things you can love," the Angel said. "They will keep you from being lonesome." "Oh, thank you," the Loving Ones said. "These are just what we need." "You have chosen Pleasure," the Angel told them.

But after time the Loving Ones came back to the Angel in Charge. "Things are okay to love," they said. "But they don't care that we love them." The Angel in Charge led them over to the second window. It looked out at all sorts of wild animals. "Here are animals to love," he said. "They will know you love them." So the Loving Ones hurried out to care for the wild animals. "You have chosen Satisfaction," the Angel said.

Some of the Loving Ones worked at zoos and wild animal preserves, some just had bird feeders in their yards, but after a time they all came back to the Angel in Charge. "They know we love them," they told the Angel. "But they don't love us back. We want to be loved in return." So the Angel took them to the third window and showed them lots of people walking around, hurrying places. "Here are people for you to love," the Angel told them. So the Loving Ones hurried off to find other people to love. "You have chosen Commitment," the Angel said.

But after time a lot of Loving Ones came back to the Angel in Charge.

"People were okay to love," they said. "But sometimes they stopped loving us and left. They broke our hearts." The Angel just shook his head. "I cannot help you," he said. "You will have to be satisfied with the choices I gave you."

As the Loving Ones were leaving, someone saw a window off to one side and hurried to look out. Through it, they could see puppies and kittens and dogs and cats and rabbits and hamsters and ferrets. The other Loving Ones hurried over. "What about these?" they asked. But the Angel just tried to shoo them away. "Those are Personal Empathy Trainers," he said. "But there's a problem with their system operations."
"Would they know that we love them?" someone asked. "Yes," the Angel said.
"Would they love us back?" another asked. "Yes," the Angel said.
"Will they stop loving us?" someone else asked. "No," the Angel admitted. "They will love you forever." "Then these are what we want," the Loving Ones said. But the Angel was very upset. "You don't understand," he told them. "You will have to feed these animals." "That's all right," the Loving Ones said.
"You will have to clean up after them and take care of them forever." "We don't care."
The Loving Ones did not listen. They went down to where the Pets were and picked them up, seeing the love in their own hearts reflected in the animals' eyes. "They were not programmed right," the Angel said. "We can't offer a warranty. We don't know how durable they are. Some of their systems malfunction very quickly, others last a long time."

But the Loving Ones did not care. They were holding the warm little bodies and finding their hearts so filled with love that they thought they would burst.
"We will take our chances," they said.
"You do not understand." The Angel tried one more time. "They are so dependent on you that even the most well-made of them is not designed to outlive you. You are destined to suffer their loss."

The Loving Ones looked at the sweetness in their arms and nodded. "That is how it should be. It is a fair trade for the love they offer."

The Angel just watched them all go, shaking his head. "You have chosen Tears," he whispered.

"So it is," the kind lady told the kitties. "And so each mommy and daddy knows. When they take a baby into their heart, they know that one day it will leave them and they will cry." The little orange boy sat up. "So why do they take us in?" he asked.


"Because even a moment of your love is worth years of pain later."

"Oh." The little orange boy got off the lady's lap and went back to the edge of the pond. His mommy was still there and still crying. "Will she ever stop crying?" he asked the kind lady.


She nodded. "You see, the Angel felt sorry for the Loving Ones, knowing how much they would suffer. He couldn't take the tears away but he made them special."

She dipped her hand into the pond and let the water trickle off her fingers. "He made them healing tears, formed from the special water here. Each tear holds bits of all the happy times of snuggling and petting and shared love. And the promise of love once again.

As your mommy cries, she is healing. "It may take a long while, but the tears will help her feel better. In time she will be less sad and she will smile when she thinks of you. And then she will open her heart again to another little baby." "But then she will cry again one day," the little orange boy said. The lady just smiled at him as she got to her feet. "No, she will love again. That is all she will think about." She picked up Big Boy and Snowball and gave them hugs, then scratched Morgan's ear just how she liked.

"Look," she said. "The butterflies have come. Shall we go over to play?"

The other animals all ran ahead, but the little orange boy wasn't ready to leave his mommy. "Will I ever get to be with her again?" The kind lady nodded.

"You'll be in the eyes of every bunny she looks at. You'll be in the touch of every bunny she holds. And late at night, when she's fast asleep, your spirit will snuggle up close to her and you both will feel at peace. One day soon, you can even send her a rainbow to tell her you're safe and waiting here for when it's her turn to come."

"I would like that," the little orange boy said and took one long look at his mommy. He saw her smile slightly through her tears and he knew she had remembered how he would binky around the living room.

"I love you, Mommy," he whispered. "It's okay if you cry." He glanced over at the other pets, running and playing and laughing with the butterflies.

"
Uh, Mommy? I gotta go play now, okay? But I'll be around, I promise."

Then he turned and raced after the others :bunnyangel:





 
Oh Jan I am so sorry to hear of Pernod.. I'm so sorry I've been amiss of the group for so long as I was really championing Pernod during the illnesses that came up after the move.

I loved your tribute, could never do better than that myself to one of my own.. Pernod was TRULY loved and hope that You and Shadow will move on without to much grief.

I really loved Pernod - had that internet connection with her and your trial moving to Canada... I think you were right in moving her with you as she would have probably had the same outcome - feeling like you left her..

Binkie free Pernod - you were lovedby many!


 
LuvaBun wrote:
I was looking for a sign - something to let me know Pernod was OK, that she and Perry were together, that she forgave me. Perhaps I was looking too hard and reading too much into coincidences, but 2 things happened.


Dear Heart,

You'll miss the most potent signs from your babies if you take the notion that you're "...looking too hard and reading too much into coincidences". Be open and trust where yourautomatic thoughts and feelings take you.

Last night I was about to go to sleep and I had this vision of Buck warming up to Pernod and calling her "Lovey" If you could've seen the look she shot him. She Did Not appreciate such a cutesy nickname and made it abundantly clear that, "My Name is Pernod!!!

It cracked me up because it came completely out of the blue. It's so Pernod too, isn't it? The way she's keeping those over the bridge in check as well - including Buck! Her work is never done.

Please stop thinking that you need her forgiveness. She not only wanted to leave her body, she was extremely grateful that she didn't have to continue to lose her dignity and be in pain. She forgives you, do you forgive yourself? If the roles were reversed and she was you, and you her, wouldn't you want her to stop the maddness she was going through - especially knowing that there was no way to get better? What quality of life would she have had her last few days? Believe me, she's grateful to you for taking such tender loving care of her and not making her suffer. What would've been worse is if you didn't send her to the bridge.

It's time to forgive yourself. You absolutely did the right thing for Pernod. There was nothing you could've done to prevent or stop what happened to her. It was completely out of your control, Honey. You did what a loving mother would do.

* * * *

JadeIcing: Sending you my love and a hug. It always makes me cry to hear of a member of the family moving on, but I do completely trust that we'll all be together again and they're better off where they are. We're the ones that have pain, not them. Hope Elvis is doing well. (I went to Graceland last month and loved it! Stayed with Snuggy's Mom and The Fam. If you ever get a chance to get to the place, go! It's a lot of fun.)


 
Jan, Pernod's tribute is beautiful!

Please don't feel guilty, it was her time to go, I'm sure she's grateful that you helped taking her pain away. Pernod wouldn't want you to blame yourself for anything, she'll always love you.

She's happy with Perry now. She'll be so missed.

Marietta
 
Haley wrote:
Carolyn, what a beautiful vision- that definitely sounds like Pernod!


No question, Pernod lets you knowexactly where you stand with her.

Doesn't matter if she's in physical or spiritual form, there are some things that she just has to set us straight on if we step out of line or cross a boundary that we shouldn't.

She hasn't changed one single bit!
 
I'll stop after this, but I have to say this.

I keep gettingsuch strong impressions of Pernod and what she’s feeling and going through right now. I wonder if I’m getting them because you’re in such pain and she’s having a hard time getting through to you at this point, Jan. Don't know where they're coming from or what they're all about, would just say take what you like and leave the rest.

Today the feelings from her are how appauled she is by how there’s no rules over the bridge. She feels that there’s no structure – everyone/bun - animals and people alike -gets to do what they want and there’s no order. She feels very much needed where she is as she feels that this chaos has to be put into check! She is one firm,determinedlittle one. I'm glad I didn't have her as a teacher when I was a kid.She would've scared the crap outta me.Her feeling is that everything and everyone has their place and should they step out of line, she’ll be the first to push them back in line. She’s funny. I don’t know how God would manage without her help.

I could be way off base on all of this, but I can only tell you that these feelingscome to me completely out of the blue.It doesn't helpthat Buck keeps chuckling at her.It's not helping her credibility with the others One Bit! She loves Buck, but thinks he's a bit to laid back. She's feeling overwhelmed and goes back to your home a lot, Jan, to get some rest and recharge for the work she has ahead of her.

As I said, take what you like and leave the rest. I trust my instincts and the feelings I'm getting because I'll be working and then I'll get these feelings eclipse me - so it's not like I'm going out searching for them.

Again, Jan, I can only promise you that your babies are all very much alive and well. The othershave their work cut out for them in getting her to stop being so controlling!


Best for me to go take a test to see if I'm still sane, ey?!


P.S. Some might call me nuts, that's okay because it makes no impact on me at all. I know what comes from me and what doesn't. :)

 
Jan,

I'm sorry I'm so late in replying. I just heard about Pernod a few days ago and have felt like I couldn't write you with out truly thinking of the loss.

Pernod was in my dream last night. She didn't do much. She just appeared over a hill, stood up to look around, binkied, and ran away. She seemed happy. I'd like to think she saw Perry and binkied to run towards him.

My heart truly aches for your loss, and if you need someone to talk to, don't hesitate to pm me or send me an email.

And always remember, you did nothing wrong when you brought her with you to Canada. I am a strong believer, and I know it's really hard to genuinely think about it now, that things happen for a reason. Animals are so pure of heart and spirit and can impact our lives in such profound, loving ways. They have the ability to truly change us. And I think they know when it is their time to go.

I will continue praying for you, your family, and Shadow as he lost a friend. Pernod was, and still is, a truly special girl.

Love,
Lauren
 
Jan, I've seriously thought about hopping on a plane and coming up to see you. The last week or more has been h*ll for both of us -- mine was pretty much shot long before I lost Dill. I've had no computer access, and the few times I jury-rigged a connection I couldn't post. :(

I've been thinking of you constantly.

So very very sorry. :(



s :sad:
 
Carolyn wrote:
It doesn't helpthat Buck keeps chuckling at her.


... I get the same impression. And, Buck needs the chuckle.

I also get the feeling that Pernod is intent on controlling the chaos at the Bridge....and that Buck is fine with that....as futile as the attempt may be!
Let's just call it a controlled chaos now. ;)
Almost like her free spirit has come back to poke at her...:stikpoke
 
Carolyn and Jim, that certainly sounds like Pernod - it was always her way or no way.

Haley, I had forgotten that story, but thank you for posting it - I like to think that that's the way things are when our babies leave us.

Today has been really hard. Not only is it a week since I lost Pernod, but what with Pebbles being ill, and Sas' Dill going to The Bridge ( I met the little guy, and he was the sweetest, bouncy bunny, I fell in love with him). Then I found the stray cats that 'live' under next doors deck had got into the robins nest in our tree, and the babies bodies were on our garden. So, I decided to 'lose' myself in a crowd and went to the West Edmonton Mall. But I just wandered aimlessley around, so I came back. I feel like a part of me is missing, and can't really concentrate on anything :?.

I keep telling myself I've been through this before and it'll get better, but at the moment that seems like a long way away :(

Jan
 
We are so sorry that you lost your Pernod despite all the efforts. It was the same for us too. We thought our bun was getting better, but she took a turn for the worse, and in spite of everything our vet and we tried, she just got worse and finally went to rest. She was such a strong, stubborn bunny--she lasted longer than most would have as sick as she was. It hard to admit that she is better off--we just don't want to let go. We do have our memories of our little bundle of fur that grew into the house "boss". Once again, you have our sympathies for your loss and we thank you for the wonderful pictures. Each day is hard to deal with that empty space, but the good memeories are a help and it is nice to know we aren't really alone in our grief. Larry and Nancy
 

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