Worst day of my life

A few hours ago, my bun passed away. I don't know what to do with myself. I have cried louder than i have ever before. It hurts me so much. I don't know what happened. He got neutered today and was coming off of the anesthesia. He had a cone around his neck. He was beating himself around the cage so much. Hitting himself everywhere. I tried to keep him quiet as best as i could. I really did. Then at one moment he yelled. I can't get the sound out of my head and it's killing me. He started to bleed through his mouth. It was everywhere. He could not stand up. I laid him down and he was fighting to breathe. And i just watched helpless. I didn't know what to do. I tried. I held him in my arms and he died. But he clearly suffered and that is what is hurting so much. I wish I didn't do this to him and get him neutered i feel like i let my little buddy down. I don't know how I am going to move on from this. All these memories of my little baby and then to keep remembering that i watched him die and suffer. I feel like i let him down and it hurts. I was helpless and i was clueless as to what to do.
I know you all don't need this depressing thing here but i just needed to get it out.

I am so sorry for your loss. May your bun Rest In Peace. If I were in your shoes I would have dome the same thing. I'm so sorry. Don't worry about writing about this. It's better to let it out than to keep it in. So sorry.

I am so sorry for your loss. :sigh: So sad I wonder if he thought the cone around his neck was a predator trying to attack him. One time my bunny Fred got his foot caught in the handle of a paper bag that I put in his pen for him to play with. He ran around like crazy trying to get it off and ended up limping for a few days afterward.

Oh my goodness I'm so sorry for your sudden loss. If and when you feel up to it I would have some serious questions for your veterinarian.

So sorry for your loss. We have a bunch of rescues and everyone has been neutered--makes them a better companion. Sometimes things just don't work and time will help, but there will always be that doubt and that hole in your heart that nothing can heal completely. Rest in peace little man and binky free.

I'm so sorry for your unexpected loss. :rainbow: Binky free, little one.

That is so horrible. I am so sorry. What a horrible experience. At least you were there to comfort him at the very end. But what a horrible thing to go through, for both of you. I'm so, so sorry.

I'm so sorry for your loss!😭😱😭😭 I'm so sorry you must feel terrible but you'll go through grief and we are all here for you!! You did ask you could to comfort him and its great you were there with him to help him go. It may have been hard but you helped him all you could!

Thank you everyone its really helpful. I am just feeling extremely guilty for not being able to help him. I feel like he loved me and I obviously loved him and i let him down. I know it sounds ridiculous but i feel like if he is mad at me that i could not help him. I feel guilty to laugh or to have fun.
I called the vet and she said that he probably was so stressed from the collar that his lungs started to fill with fluid and that is what most likely caused it. So basically all i needed to do was to take the dumb collar off of him and hold him until the drugs wore off and he regained his senses. Thats killing me, that all i needed to do was to take the collar off. I didn't know but i should have known so i could have saved him. I feel so bad.

It's not your fault don't blame yourself. Collars are not used on rabbits very often and your vet should have known that. Also they shouldn't have sent bunny home so soon. You did as instructed by a medical professional so don't feel guilty. I'm sure you would have done anything to help him. **hugs**

I'm very sorry for your loss. Actually, it's completely the vet's fault - there is no way you could have known. Vets specialized in rabbits don't use collar on them as they are easily stressed and it's making it hard for them to eat and drink. Beside, a serious vet won't let an animal that isn't completely awake, okay and eating go home - mine keeps the rabbit for at least 8 hours after the surgery to check everything is fine. And with the description you give, it might be something else entirely (bad reaction to a product he was given at the vet for example).
I know it's really hard not to beat yourself over it. I lost a rabbit two years ago who died in front of me and I really felt that the vet didn't do everything he could have to help. I thought about everything I could have done differently for days and cried like a baby. I think I will never completely recover from it. It really killed my trust in vets too and now I'm triple checking everything before and after going (and it's better to do so... After my youngest rabbit was neutered, by a vet who is a rabbit specialist, his assistant gave me the posology for the pain meds and antibiotics, clearly struggling with his calculator... I read the medication label and did the maths to check the dosage before giving them to my rabbit and then noticed that the assistant had completely messed up, prescribing almost twice the recommended dose...).

I can't get the image out of my head. Him fighting for air and his breathe slowing down. Its replaying over and over in my mind and it makes me feel sick. It hurts me so much that my baby suffered.

Rochy, so many of us know how you feel. I'm so sorry (( hugs)) .
I had a rabbit once and I gave him free roam of the house. She had the best personality ever. I came home from work one day and found she had drowned in the toilet. I don't understand how it happened but it was heartbreaking and my fault for not thinking to close the lid.
Rochy your vet should have known. They study for years and they should know. It was the vets fault, totally. You didn't know to take the collar off. Don't beat yourself up. You thought you were doing the right thing by following the vets instructions. My vet kept Harvey for 24 hours after being fixed. If your veg was not trained on rabbits, he should have been up front and said so.
But as for you, your pain will ge away over time. Your bunny died in fear but believe it, it was a big comfort to him that he was not alone. He did not understand what was happening, but he knew you were there with him. He wasn't alone. ((Hugs)) you gave him comfort by being there.
I am so sorry for your pain. I know it's agonizing right now. You probably don't believe you'll feel ok again, but you will. Your baby is not in pain now, or frightened. He is binkying free. I believe that. Death is not the end. You'll see him again one day. I believe that.
You did your best for your bun. That's more than many people can say. Focus on the good memories you have of him.
And when you are feeling well enough, I hope you will politely confront your vet about the incompetence that cost your friend his life. Make sure the vet either studies up on rabbits or is upfront to future clients about his level of rabbit knowledge. Stop this from happening to anyone else's rabbit.

Thank you for what you said....it really helps me. I am taking it day by day but I can't stop thinking about him and what happened. It just hurts a lot and I can't seem to get back to my life because I honestly feel empty.

This is NOT on you. I am so sorry this happened. I would have done exactly the same thing and followed the vet's instructions. Again...sorry.

Crying and praying for you. Bunny loved you.

I'm so sorry for loss My heart breaks for you and your bun.

I agree that the vet should have been upfront with you and told you they had limited knowlge.

This brings back painful memories of when my first ever bunny, Chilli, passed away earlier this year He chocked on his pellets and I rushed him to an emergency vet. They told me that he would be fine and that he'd probably be a bit quiet for a few days. They offered to run tests on him, but I couldn't afford it at the time and because they had told me he would be fine, I didn't get anything else done.

3 days later Chilli passed away. He got aspiration pneumonia and I didn't even know what was wrong with him until the day before he died. He died before I could take him to get put to sleep. It kills me knowing that he suffered for DAYS before passing. I wish I could go back in time and save my baby

Exactly one month later, my girl Breeze died of heatstroke.

Trust me when I say that I understand your pain

It does get better though, and very very slowly I was able to live with the guilt and the pain. I don't think that it ever really goes away, but it just gets easier to manage.

I'm keeping you and your bun in my prayers. May he binky away over the rainbow bridge xx

Thank you so much. It helps a lot to realize that I'm not as alone as I thought I was.