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Old 01-11-2018, 04:57 PM   #171
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nancy McClelland View Post
A guy goes into a restaurant for breakfast at Christmas time. After looking over the menu he orders eggs Benedict. When his breakfast arrives,iti's served on a big, shiny hubcap. He asks the waiter, "what's with the hubcap?" The waiter sings, "There's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!"
I've been sharing this one everywhere I go and everyone has gotten a good laugh from it. TY!


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Old 01-11-2018, 09:56 PM   #172
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After the death of Quasimodo, the bishop of Notre-Dame advertises a job to ring the bell in his tower. The only job applicant is a hunchback with no arms. The bishop is incredulous : "How can you do the job? You can't pull the rope!" "I can, says the hunchback. We have to go to the top of the tower, where the bell is, so I can show you." So they climb all those stairs to the top of the tower. "Show me your skills, then", says the bishop.
The hunchback runs and jumps at the bell, striking it with his face. Sure enough, he rings the bell beautifully.
So despite his misgivings, the bishop hires the hunchback.

Every day the hunchback comes in and rings the bell. One day, he decides to try to ring the bell louder. He goes to the farthest corner of the tower, and runs as fast as he can toward the bell. When he jumps up and hits it with his face, the bell rings clear and loud. Unfortunately, the hunchback hit the bell so hard he's a little groggy. He staggers around a bit, and falls out the belfry window to the street below.

As a crowd gathers around the hunchback's mangled body lying in the street, the bishop goes out to investigate the commotion.

A policeman arrives and asks: "Bishop, who was that man?" The bishop replies sadly: "I don't know his name, but his face sure rings a bell."


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Old 01-12-2018, 08:02 PM   #173
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Old 01-12-2018, 08:05 PM   #174
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I've not seen these 2 quickies here so.......

How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on it.

How do you catch a tame rabbit? The tame way. Unique up on it.

:eyeroll:
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Old 01-13-2018, 03:32 PM   #175
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Old 01-14-2018, 10:17 PM   #176
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Please keep these jokes coming. They make my day!
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Old 01-15-2018, 05:03 PM   #177
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A man gets a diagnosis from his Doctor that he's got cancer and only has a month to live. He loathes all of his relatives and doesn't want to leave them anything. He sells all of his possessions and goes to see a priest, a baptist minister and a Rabbi. He extracts a promise from all three that if he gives them each a third of his money that they will put it in his casket just before he's buried, so in essence "he can take it with him." At his funeral, they all place an envelope in his casket, which is then closed and interred. Since they all know each other, they were talking after the burial and all shared what they had done. The priest said he felt bad as he held back $5,000 as there were a lot of poor in his parish. The Baptist said he held back $10,000 for the same reason. The Rabbi shook his head, told them that he was ashamed of them for not keeping their promise, and that "He wrote him a check for the full amount!"
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Old 01-16-2018, 12:07 AM   #178
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A man walks into a bar and sees two pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the barman, "Why are those two pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling?"

The barman replies, "It's a competition which we run every night. If you can jump up and touch the meat, you get free drinks for the whole night."
"Cool!" says the man, "But what if I can't reach them?"

"Then you have to buy all the drinks for everyone all night," the barman answers. "Do you want to try?"
"No, but thanks anyway. The steaks are too high."


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