Rabbits Online > Off Topic for Rabbit Owners > Let Your Hare Down > Jokes!



Help Support Rabbits Online by donating using the link above or becoming a Supporting Member.
Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 01-11-2018, 04:57 PM   #171
Milyvan
 
Milyvan's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Melbourne, FL
Posts: 58
Liked 28 Times on 18 Posts
Likes Given: 200

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nancy McClelland View Post
A guy goes into a restaurant for breakfast at Christmas time. After looking over the menu he orders eggs Benedict. When his breakfast arrives,iti's served on a big, shiny hubcap. He asks the waiter, "what's with the hubcap?" The waiter sings, "There's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!"
I've been sharing this one everywhere I go and everyone has gotten a good laugh from it. TY!


Milyvan is online now  
 
Reply With Quote
Old 01-11-2018, 09:56 PM   #172
Aki
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: France
Posts: 1,119
Liked 216 Times on 202 Posts
Likes Given: 27

Default

After the death of Quasimodo, the bishop of Notre-Dame advertises a job to ring the bell in his tower. The only job applicant is a hunchback with no arms. The bishop is incredulous : "How can you do the job? You can't pull the rope!" "I can, says the hunchback. We have to go to the top of the tower, where the bell is, so I can show you." So they climb all those stairs to the top of the tower. "Show me your skills, then", says the bishop.
The hunchback runs and jumps at the bell, striking it with his face. Sure enough, he rings the bell beautifully.
So despite his misgivings, the bishop hires the hunchback.

Every day the hunchback comes in and rings the bell. One day, he decides to try to ring the bell louder. He goes to the farthest corner of the tower, and runs as fast as he can toward the bell. When he jumps up and hits it with his face, the bell rings clear and loud. Unfortunately, the hunchback hit the bell so hard he's a little groggy. He staggers around a bit, and falls out the belfry window to the street below.

As a crowd gathers around the hunchback's mangled body lying in the street, the bishop goes out to investigate the commotion.

A policeman arrives and asks: "Bishop, who was that man?" The bishop replies sadly: "I don't know his name, but his face sure rings a bell."


Aki is online now  
2
People Like This 
Reply With Quote
Old 01-12-2018, 08:02 PM   #173
Milyvan
 
Milyvan's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Melbourne, FL
Posts: 58
Liked 28 Times on 18 Posts
Likes Given: 200

Default

Milyvan is online now  
 
Reply With Quote
Old 01-12-2018, 08:05 PM   #174
Milyvan
 
Milyvan's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Melbourne, FL
Posts: 58
Liked 28 Times on 18 Posts
Likes Given: 200

Default

I've not seen these 2 quickies here so.......

How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on it.

How do you catch a tame rabbit? The tame way. Unique up on it.

:eyeroll:
Milyvan is online now  
Nancy McClelland Likes This 
Reply With Quote
Old 01-13-2018, 03:32 PM   #175
Nancy McClelland
Larry
RABBIT_SUPPORTER.png
 
Nancy McClelland's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Las Vegas, Nevada, USA
Posts: 15,355
Liked 791 Times on 661 Posts
Likes Given: 1293

Default

__________________
Sometimes I feel like I'm running a fertilizer factory.
Nancy McClelland is online now  
Milyvan Likes This 
Reply With Quote
Old 01-14-2018, 10:17 PM   #176
Whiterabbitrage
RABBIT_SUPPORTER.png
 
Whiterabbitrage's Avatar
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 513
Liked 238 Times on 147 Posts
Likes Given: 266

Default

Please keep these jokes coming. They make my day!
Whiterabbitrage is online now  
 
Reply With Quote
Old 01-15-2018, 05:03 PM   #177
Nancy McClelland
Larry
RABBIT_SUPPORTER.png
 
Nancy McClelland's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Las Vegas, Nevada, USA
Posts: 15,355
Liked 791 Times on 661 Posts
Likes Given: 1293

Default

A man gets a diagnosis from his Doctor that he's got cancer and only has a month to live. He loathes all of his relatives and doesn't want to leave them anything. He sells all of his possessions and goes to see a priest, a baptist minister and a Rabbi. He extracts a promise from all three that if he gives them each a third of his money that they will put it in his casket just before he's buried, so in essence "he can take it with him." At his funeral, they all place an envelope in his casket, which is then closed and interred. Since they all know each other, they were talking after the burial and all shared what they had done. The priest said he felt bad as he held back $5,000 as there were a lot of poor in his parish. The Baptist said he held back $10,000 for the same reason. The Rabbi shook his head, told them that he was ashamed of them for not keeping their promise, and that "He wrote him a check for the full amount!"
__________________
Sometimes I feel like I'm running a fertilizer factory.
Nancy McClelland is online now  
Milyvan Likes This 
Reply With Quote
Old 01-16-2018, 12:07 AM   #178
Milyvan
 
Milyvan's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Melbourne, FL
Posts: 58
Liked 28 Times on 18 Posts
Likes Given: 200

Default

A man walks into a bar and sees two pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the barman, "Why are those two pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling?"

The barman replies, "It's a competition which we run every night. If you can jump up and touch the meat, you get free drinks for the whole night."
"Cool!" says the man, "But what if I can't reach them?"

"Then you have to buy all the drinks for everyone all night," the barman answers. "Do you want to try?"
"No, but thanks anyway. The steaks are too high."
Milyvan is online now  
Nancy McClelland Likes This 
Reply With Quote
Old 01-22-2018, 02:12 AM   #179
Milyvan
 
Milyvan's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Melbourne, FL
Posts: 58
Liked 28 Times on 18 Posts
Likes Given: 200

Default

Adam is moping around the Garden of Eden when God asks him what's wrong. Adam says it's great and he loves it but he's lonely. So God creates Eve.

After Eve's been around a few days Adam is meandering through the Garden again when God asks if everything's ok.

"Well, it's Eve. Why did You make her so lovely?"
"That's so you'd love her, My son."

"Why did You make her skin and hair so soft?"
"That's so you'd want to touch her and be with her, My son."

"Ok, but why'd You make her so dumb?"
"That's so she'd want to be with you, My son."
Milyvan is online now  
 
Reply With Quote
Old 01-22-2018, 08:10 PM   #180
Nancy McClelland
Larry
RABBIT_SUPPORTER.png
 
Nancy McClelland's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Las Vegas, Nevada, USA
Posts: 15,355
Liked 791 Times on 661 Posts
Likes Given: 1293

Default

John was riding his motorcycle home from work one night, and when he came around a corner he spotted the Orphanage on fire and burning. Without any hesitation, he swung into the parking lot, jumped off his bike and ran into the burning building several times to rescue children. Once the fire was out and he was ready to leave, he heard a loud, booming voice coming from above. The voice was God's and told John that since he was a good and selfless person that God would grant him a wish. John thought for a couple of minutes, and then stated that he always wanted to ride his bike to Hawaii but there needed to be a bridge built. God told John he could do it, but it would use up a lot of the Earths' resources, so was there maybe something else he'd like that was less wasteful. John thought for a minute and then siad, "I'd like to be able to understand women!" God then replied, "would you like 2 lanes or 4 lanes?"


__________________
Sometimes I feel like I'm running a fertilizer factory.
Nancy McClelland is online now  
Milyvan Likes This 
Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump





Newest Threads